Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
