i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
