this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
