I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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