im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
