so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize