Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
