He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize