Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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