is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
