i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
