I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
