just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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