I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
