tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
