I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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