Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
