Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
