I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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