You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
