last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
