Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i dont even know how to be here
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
