I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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