Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
