This is not my ceiling
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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