He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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