I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
