You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
