I think i peed on brittanys purse
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
