I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
