i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
