Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
