dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
