Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
