I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
