she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
