Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
