We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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