I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
