they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
