did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
