You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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