What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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