Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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