You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize