Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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