period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
