She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
