Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
