He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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