ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
