Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
