I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want a musical about memes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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