you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
