cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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