I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
