I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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