My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
