i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You are a genius and a whore.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
