I didn't shave. On purpose
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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