I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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