Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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