I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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