Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
