we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do vagina's smell?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize