too bad you live with your parents still
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pray to the hookup gods
When are your genitals available?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
