I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Floor bacon is actually really good
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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