how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
