I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to align my fucking chakras
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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