did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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