Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
