Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
