this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We're too hungover to prance.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
