The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
